In 2008, I Resolve to...

I don't know. I recall making New Year's resolutions every year for, well, as long as I can remember. I don't have one this year. I'm not about to quit drinking, or quit smoking, or quit eating Jack In The Box Sampler Trio's when I get a craving for grease and ranch dressing. I'd like to work some exercise into my life, but where to fit it in between work, school, kid, dog, and dating - I'm not sure.

I spent this past weekend swinging around a stripper pole. For those privileged few, you can find a picture in the comments section of my myspace. If you have seen that picture, it might seem a little strange that there appear to be couches behind the pole. It appears that way because those are couches, and the pole is in the middle of my friend's living room. She had a party Friday night (which I obviously went to since there's photographic evidence) where I drank way too much Bacardi & Coke for my own good and way too much to be very helpful the next day to move another friend into a new apartment. Saturday morning my left foot hurt, I had a giant blue and green bruise across the top of it and could hardly get my shoe on. Hell, I could barely walk. I have no clue what I did; nothing hurt on Friday night! Although I noticed I was out of breath after one full song on the pole so maybe I should rethink that exercise thing.

Trainer at my work gym: Why do you want to get in shape?
Me: So I don't run out of breath when I'm pole dancing drunk at parties.

By Monday, New Years Eve, I could fit my swollen, bruised foot into a four inch heel again and off to American Cowgirls we went. The main pole on the stage was down because they had a DJ up there, but the two smaller poles on the dance floor were still up. I am all for dressing to impress and showing off your best assetts. However, there really needs to be minimum acceptable skirt length. We actually saw ass cheek and thong color last night - so not cool. I also suggest Cowgirls put a weight limit on the smaller poles because two whales on one pole is not pretty either. Eligible male prospects were a little slim this night. My cute bouncer wasn't working, and every other eligible male was younger than my little bro which I'm not really OK with. Two guys at the table next to us were obviously looking, and the one just cracked me up. He was probably in his late 40's, grey hair, silky shirt unbuttoned one too many, and drunk enough to get on the dance floor and dance like a true white boy - again, not pretty and definitely not cool.

So what do I want for 2008? To remember to always be true to myself, learn to listen to and follow my instincts, and figure out how to work a pole without feeling like I got ran over by a truck the next day...