Commit or Quit?

No, not smoking - cowboy. I never explicitly said "we are getting back together" but I'm not actually dating anyone else. I guess to an extent I gave myself a "get out of jail free" card after "the new guy" fizzled should anything happen with "other work guy" before he left the country. Nothing happened and the going away happy hour was already this past Friday.

We all started at a little brew pub, and five Bacardi & Coke's later moved on to Ringler's, where one Lemon Drop later we moved to 80's night at the Fez Ballroom. Somebody, somewhere hung on to some awesome white Levi's and a neon jacket - way cool! Well, way cool if you remember to roll and peg the Levi's. I was not prepared for 80's night, or the sights of 80's night but witnessed a totally rad dance off between a guy in short shorts, tube socks, and a headband against a guy with an affinity for neon. I would like to go back and actually plan for it ahead of time because it was fun. But the place was way too crowded, too long of a line for drinks, and too long of a line for the bathrooms.

I saw cowboy on Saturday night. He was tired after a hard day of duck huntin' so we didn't do much - just hung out. Only one more weekend of duck season... I gotta figure out what I want.

Second Chances

Several years ago, before my divorce from M's dad, I spent a lot of time with a guy I worked with (not the new guy - different work guy). You could call it an emotional affair I suppose. For a while, we went to lunch almost every day, even running errands on our lunch hour together. Things have never worked out for us to be a couple timing wise. At first we were both married to other people, he divorced but I was still married, I divorced but by then we worked in the same department , I moved to another department but he was on extended assingment in Europe. Now I'm free to date other people, we don't work in the same department, he's not involved with anyone, but he's moving to Germany in two weeks. If it's meant to be, maybe I'll be getting a job offer soon or timing will be better when he comes back in two years.

In the meantime, I missed cowboy a lot. I had no idea how much I missed him and it was really nice to see him last night. Plus I got some killer sex for the first time in four weeks. We even tried out my new cinnamon and vanilla flavored potions and lotions I bought at the sex party I went to. (Sorry, should have given a TMI alert before that last sentence.)

Cowboy stayed over last night. He skipped a day of duck hunting so he could sleep in with me. Not sure where exactly that ranks on the romance scale, although I suppuse "skipping hunting" falls somewhere between candles with scattered rose petals and not farting in bed.

It's Good To Be Wanted...I Think

Cowboy misses me. He wants to be with me, and only me. Cowboy called me twice last night. He wants to know when he can take me out. I had told cowboy we could date but I didn't want to be as serious as we were. Last night he asked if that meant we would be dating other people too. I said yes.

Our views on that differ a bit. Actually, they differ a lot. He's not sure he can accept me dating other people besides him because it means I'm looking for something or someone better. I need to know if I like cowboy for who he is or because there's a certain familiarity or comfort level when I'm with him. I hadn't planned on jumping into a serious relationship, let alone a serious relationship with someone who lives in BFE, likes to kill furry and feathery things, and drives a truck bigger than my driveway. I need to separate how I feel about cowboy from how I feel when he says he wants me back. I have to admit, it feels good to be wanted.

My new guy has damn near disappeared. Good thing I haven't wasted a creative nickname on him. I got an email this week and that's it. I can understand his hesitation about getting involved with someone at work...again...but why did he kiss me at the party then?

In order for me to follow Carm's advise (and pretty much everyone else's) and date outside of my norm, date someone who is the complete opposite of what I've known, date somebody that's picked up a book in the last decade, somebody who doesn't like to kill things in their spare time, somebody that lives closer to downtown than Mt. Hood, I need to figure out how and where to meet these guys.
Maybe they can add "marital status" to the online phone directory at work...

In 2008, I Resolve to...

I don't know. I recall making New Year's resolutions every year for, well, as long as I can remember. I don't have one this year. I'm not about to quit drinking, or quit smoking, or quit eating Jack In The Box Sampler Trio's when I get a craving for grease and ranch dressing. I'd like to work some exercise into my life, but where to fit it in between work, school, kid, dog, and dating - I'm not sure.

I spent this past weekend swinging around a stripper pole. For those privileged few, you can find a picture in the comments section of my myspace. If you have seen that picture, it might seem a little strange that there appear to be couches behind the pole. It appears that way because those are couches, and the pole is in the middle of my friend's living room. She had a party Friday night (which I obviously went to since there's photographic evidence) where I drank way too much Bacardi & Coke for my own good and way too much to be very helpful the next day to move another friend into a new apartment. Saturday morning my left foot hurt, I had a giant blue and green bruise across the top of it and could hardly get my shoe on. Hell, I could barely walk. I have no clue what I did; nothing hurt on Friday night! Although I noticed I was out of breath after one full song on the pole so maybe I should rethink that exercise thing.

Trainer at my work gym: Why do you want to get in shape?
Me: So I don't run out of breath when I'm pole dancing drunk at parties.

By Monday, New Years Eve, I could fit my swollen, bruised foot into a four inch heel again and off to American Cowgirls we went. The main pole on the stage was down because they had a DJ up there, but the two smaller poles on the dance floor were still up. I am all for dressing to impress and showing off your best assetts. However, there really needs to be minimum acceptable skirt length. We actually saw ass cheek and thong color last night - so not cool. I also suggest Cowgirls put a weight limit on the smaller poles because two whales on one pole is not pretty either. Eligible male prospects were a little slim this night. My cute bouncer wasn't working, and every other eligible male was younger than my little bro which I'm not really OK with. Two guys at the table next to us were obviously looking, and the one just cracked me up. He was probably in his late 40's, grey hair, silky shirt unbuttoned one too many, and drunk enough to get on the dance floor and dance like a true white boy - again, not pretty and definitely not cool.

So what do I want for 2008? To remember to always be true to myself, learn to listen to and follow my instincts, and figure out how to work a pole without feeling like I got ran over by a truck the next day...